Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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