I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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