There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
