alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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