Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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