If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
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