i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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