you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
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