Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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