He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
