I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
