Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
