i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Randomize
