Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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