hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Mom said you looked used
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
