That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
