Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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