dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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