Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
