i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
