highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
