Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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