I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
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