I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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