i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
