She is in my trunk
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
