when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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