Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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