If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
