Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I forgot wine drunk hurts
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
