Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
