Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
