Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
