I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Randomize
