last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
