Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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