And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
