my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
