see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
