i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Randomize
