That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
