I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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