i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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