If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
