its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
