i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Randomize
