what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Of course I have a pirate flag
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
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