I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
