mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
