I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
