does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
