My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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